The Chill Made by Your Warmth
by ShockValueAuthor
Summary: Back on my old account was this story; it has been rewritten. Please enjoy. Sasuke's point of view, and memories are swirling around... Rated M for angst, language, self-mutilation, sadism/masochism, etc. Yaoi as well. ItachiXSasuke. SVA


The Chill Made by Your Warmth (Rewritten)

Rated M: language, self-mutilation, angst, physical/psychological torture and suicide.

I stood before my old home, eyes cast up to the clouded night sky; a canvas of ebony glittering with small stars. As brilliant as diamonds…as seemingly small as a drop of water. I gave a weak smile; my head lowered in some obscure thought that vaguely crossed my mind.

I had been young; easily turning eight years of age. My mother had sat me down outside, with her, during one still summer night.

'_See those stars, Sasuke-chan?' My mother said, smiling at me while I looked up, 'Some people say that stars watch over us at night when we sleep.'_

'_Like guardian angels?' I said curiously. 'But they're so tiny…'_

_She laughed. 'That's how they look now, but remember; they're also further away than you think. Could you imagine what it'd be like to see a falling star? That'd be something.'_

_By some act of pure coincidence a quick streak of light danced across the night sky. I saw it and pointed up so my mother could see. 'Is that one?'_

'_Yes, it is. Make a wish, Sasuke-chan.'_

_I was confused. 'Why do I make a wish?'_

_She smiled that warm, tender smile I always longed to see again, and whispered, 'Because when you see a falling star, and make a wish, it might come true.'_

'_I wish…' I frowned a little. 'I don't know what to wish for. It's so important.'_

_She smiled again, getting up from the porch and patting me softly on the shoulder. 'Maybe you can save your wish for some other time.'_

_When she went off into the house, I kept looking at the sky. Extending my hand, I tried to strain to see how far the stars were from me. Obviously a childish thing to do, but at that point in time, I was a child…_

I shook my head in disgust. There was no point of reminiscing about things that would never happen in my life anymore. It was fruitless, and it only made me feel weak.

'Foolish little brother…'

I could almost hear _his_ voice. It was unnerving to me. My body started to tremble, my hands twitching in a spastic rhythm.

'If you want to live, and survive in an unsightly way…Hate me, and live like the coward you are!'

"No…"

'Clinging to life…'

"No!"

'Without honor!'

Vaguely I felt a sharp pain in my left hand. I had curled my fingers around the blade I was holding too tightly; and for that, I was bleeding.

Though at this point, it didn't really matter.

'_You are weak. Why are you weak?'_

The feeling of his lips brushing against my ear… His breath blowing my hair weakly around on the side of my face…

'Because you lack…'

My eyes were narrowed, practically into slits. Glancing over to the main entrance of the Uchiha household, my own prison of sorts, I began a slow descent into the dark hallway just before me.

'…_Hatred.'_

For some reason or another, I kept looking down to the knife in my hand. The nick I had unintentionally made was already healing, though the blood on my palm was still liquid…a deep crimson.

Those eyes so much like my own at one point in time…turning to crimson.

'Mangekyou Sharingan!'

I knew I had screamed. Seeing my family again, manipulated into heaps of nothing more than decaying flesh and blood. All because of him…

My gaze was still fixated on the knife. I had received it from my father when I was seven; an odd thing to give a child, but nonetheless, I was thrilled. He was acknowledging me at that point, and it made me happy.

The knife itself was a simple blade; a sharp gleam from the polished metal visible when faint light passed through a window. The handle was slick wood, making it easy to run my fingers across it. I had had a habit of toying with the thing when I was nervous.

'_Sasuke.'_

'_Yes, oto-san?'_

_He motioned for me to come closer to him. I was standing perhaps a foot away from him when he took a knife out of his yukata. When he saw my face turn pale, he chuckled._

'_I'm not going to hurt you with it. It's a present. Since you're now starting your classes, I thought it'd be a good idea for you to practice with it.' He leaned down a little, almost to my level, and gave me a small wink. 'Though I wouldn't tell your mother if I were you.'_

I smiled widely, and pocketed the first significant thing my father ever gave to me.

Who would've guessed that it would be so useful for tonight.

It was strange. Never did I normally feel myself slip away into my emotions, to be overwhelmed by the horrid memories that plagued my mind like a poison.

I had decided that I would sneak back into the Village for this. My mind was made up. What better place to die than my own home; everyone else did. Though this would be by choice.

I had first learned of suicide when my brother had been accused of killing Shisui, his thought to be closest friend. After the conversation, if you could call it that, Itachi went inside the house, and later went to his room for the night.

I was such a naïve child…

_Just as I was about to knock at the door, Itachi slid it open. I had been surprised that he had woken up so quickly._

'_What is it, ototo?'_

'_Nii-san, I can't sleep. May I sleep with you tonight?'_

'_You can sleep in here, but not a word. I have to wake up early tomorrow.'_

Thinking back on how loving, how trusting I was with him…it made me sick to my stomach. I had always thought that my brother and I shared a bond, yet the icy, bitter spikes residing in his heart pierced any hope I once had into a useless, shattered dream.

It had been somewhat difficult to leave where I was with Orochimaru watching me so closely. Somehow I managed to pull it off. I hardly recalled how I did it.

The memory of my brother and myself…why was it resurfacing so profusely?

'Are you going to stand there all night, or are you coming to bed?''…Nii-san?'

'…_What?'_

'_Do you love me?'_

The cold steel of the blade was digging into my skin again, only this time it was to keep myself from losing control.

'_I care for you very much.'_

'_Is that the same?'_

"No, it's not." I said bitterly to myself.

_He motioned me closer towards him, putting a hand lightly on my shoulder, pulling me closer. I saw him lower his face to mine, his voice none but a seemingly gentle whisper._

'_I care for you very much. It's a different way of saying what you ask.'_

'_So why- why not say it?'_

_He thinly smiled. 'Always the one of inquisitive nature, huh Sasuke?'_

I remembered vaguely blushing.

_He chuckled, looking away from me. 'Do you want me to show you how much I care for you?'_

Once more my grip tightened, the metal swiftly slicing through the flesh on my palm. So close… Just a little lower and-

'_No brother, I want you to show how much you love me. You can do that, right?'_

_He kissed my forehead. 'I can try.'_

There had been some type of dark expression that had crossed over Itachi's face; it passed quickly, but I had noticed it. Not that I had any idea what it meant.

_He pushed me down onto the bed, lowering his face to mine. His breath was slowly moving my bangs across my face, subtly tickling my cheek. Pressing his lips against mine, moving his tongue against the contours of my lips…_

_I broke away from him. Or at least tried; his body was now keeping me pinned down. _

_I was shocked, to say the least. 'Nii-san, what was that?'_

I began breathing heavily. Why was I remembering that now?

' _A kiss.'_

_I felt a shiver go down my spine. 'Do people do that?'_

'_Yes, sometimes.'_

'_But why-'_

_He pressed a finger to my lips. 'Relax. I wouldn't hurt you.'_

I barked out a laugh. Funny, isn't it? That he would say something, sounding oh so sincere, only to completely go against it later?

Oddly enough I heard some voice in the back of my head.

'_Poor Sasuke…'_

"Shut up."

'_There is no honor in suicide'._

"Shut up…"

'_See? You can't even handle the fact that what I say is true.'_

"Who the fuck are you?" I whispered softly.

'_I'll make it simple for you, Sasuke-chan,' They cooed mockingly. 'Hello. Do you know who I am? Of course you don't- Or do you? I am the one that whispers to you when you think you are alone…I am with you until your soul is blown away…You are not insane-You are not crazy- But you are alone. Except for me. Though in your case Sasuke, you are crazy'._

"No I am not."What had I been reduced to? Talking with myself?

'_You're looking at that knife so hungrily. You want to feel the sweet release that death brings, don't you?'_

"Would you just shut the fuck up!" I yelled angrily, somewhat startled by my outburst. This was starting to agitate me. I knew I wasn't schizophrenic, and yet…I was hearing this voice in my head. And it wasn't going away.

And I had already thought that I was somewhat crazy.

This only made my soon to be eliminated existence worse to bear.


End file.
